Okay so I know I’ve been MIA. I haven’t had motivation to write I guess. I think the last time I wrote anything it said something like “Hello June.” Soon it was goodbye June and hello July and the vicious cycle continued. I find myself saying “They’re only so many hours in the day and you can only do what you can do.” It’s partially true but quiet honestly, we make time for what we really want to do or don’t want to do. Never thought I would find time to do nothing.
Anyways, this summer has been some what productive. I have been working out in my garage with a few friends, my husband calls it “Garage Pilates” but really, it’s a mix up of pilates with Jillan Michaels with a dab of circuit training. I’ve done more push ups this summer than I have in the last year!! It’s been good for me. I’ve also been logging in low mileage and beyond that…..that’s it.
With that being said, I am sad to say I’ve put back on a good bit of weight that I had so proudly lost. It started with Christmas candy my mother made 2 Christmases ago. And I made an attack plan post Christmas with high mileage involved. I was prepped for beast mode. Then my Dad passed away and I don’t remember much of the rest of 2014. It’s a blur. I wouldn’t say I binged my way through the year or self-soothed myself with food. I just didn’t pay attention to what I ate. I ate whatever. No mindfulness or care. I just ate.
I am grateful for very supportive friends because through the blur they kept me going and encouraging me to keep moving forward. Even if they knew what they were doing or didn’t, they helped me to keep moving forward. I did a half marathon that should have been a full and I did another half marathon that should have been faster. But I finished.
You know, I always thought I was so big and bad and tough and could weather anything. After several rounds with life I’ve learned I’m not as weatherproof as I would like to imagine myself to be. Over the last several years life has thrown some serious upper cuts and sadly I backed into my corner to sit till I saw an apporpriate time to reemerge. The younger version of myself would have kicked my butt from here till the next state if I’d had known I would one day have a spirit of fear and defeat. How awful!!! I’m working on it. Maybe that’s the part of growing up and going through the trials and tribulations of life. Learning to be weatherproof (or some version of it). Anyways, I’ve hidden from you guys because I was so disappointed with myself for A. not weathering life a little better and B. not keeping the weight off. I jusitified a lot of it by saying “Oh, I don’t need to share everything.” Or “I’m just not that into the blogging thing anymore .” I’m so full of crap. I was lying to myself and hiding at the same time.
So I’ve recommited myself to the good fight. To be a better version of myself. Happier, healthier and stronger.